...women are helpless until their nail polish dries

Boy: Boys are stronger then girls.

Girl: Oh! Please, can you carry a 7 pound baby in your stomach for 9 months? Can you cook, clean and talk on the phone at the same time? Can you burn your forehead with a curling iron and not complain? Can you walk all day in 5 inch heels? Can you cry all night then wake up the next morning like everything is okay?? Remember guys, woman are only helpless until their nail polish dries :)

You have two choices...

Jerry is the manager of a restaurant. He is always in a good mood.

When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply:
"If I were any better, I would be twins!"

Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jobs, so they could follow him around from restaurant to restaurant.

Why?

When Lion goes to U.S.?

In a poor zoo of India , a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day. 

The lion thought its prayers were answered when one U.S. Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the U.S. Zoo. 

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/C environment, a goat or two every day and a U.S. Green Card also. On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast. 

The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas. Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India . 

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered. 

The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, "Don't you know I am the Lion... king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management? what nonsense is this? why are you delivering bananas to me?"

The delivery boy politely said, "Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but... Did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa !!!!!" 

Moral of Story: Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere !!! 

How to detect Hidden Camera and 2-Way Mirror?

HOW TO DETECT HIDDEN CAMERA IN A TRIAL ROOM?

In front of the trial room take your mobile and make sure that mobile can make calls.

Then enter into the trail room, take your mobile and make a call.

If u can't make a call...; then there is a hidden camera.

This is due to the interference of fiber optic cable during the signal transfer.

Pinhole Cameras in Changing Rooms of Big Bazaar, Shoppers Stop?

Yes it's very much possible.

HOW TO DETECT A 2-WAY MIRROR?

When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms, etc., how many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way mirror.

10 things to learn from people of Japan

March 2011 - The Tsunami destroyed many cities of Japan. The Nuclear reactors were blast. There was loss of people, animals, property... Still the people of Japan cooperated and faced it well. We should learn from the people of Japan and should teach it to our childrens.

1. THE CALM - Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.
2. THE DIGNITY - Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.
3. THE ABILITY - The incredible architects, for instance. Buildings swayed but didn’t fall.
4. THE GRACE - People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.
5. THE ORDER - No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just understanding.
6. THE SACRIFICE - Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors.
7. THE TENDERNESS - Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.
8. THE TRAINING - The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.
9. THE MEDIA - They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.
10. THE CONSCIENCE - When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves & left quietly.

The 2 wishes... #Hilarious

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits down, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.

The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

Why Swarg is for Private Company Employees...?

Swarg ke dwar pe 3 log khade the... 

God: Sirf 1 hi andar ja sakta hai.... 

1st: Main Brahmin hu, sari umar aapki seva ki hai. Swarg pe mera hak hai.... 

2nd: Main Doctor hu, sari umar logo ki seva ki hai. Swarg pe mera haq hai.... 

3rd: Mai ne sari umar Private Company mein kam kiya hai.... Aur... 

God: Buss... aage kuch mat bol... Rulaayega kya pagle...? Andar aa ja... Tere forwarded mails, follow-ups, promotion nahi milne ka wo 4 saal, month end, quarter end, year ends me woh night shifts, data nahi milne se doosra departments se panga, CTC se zaada deductions, raat me ghar jane ka lafda , family ko na time dene ki frustrations, boss se meetings, delivery dates, week ends mein kaam etc etc… … … ... mere ko senti kar diya yaar... aaja jaldi...andar aaja.

Friendship is not about...

Friendship is not about "I M sorry" !
Its about "sab Teri Galti Thi" (It's all your fault)

Friendship is not about "i missed U"
Its about "kaha Mar gya tha Tu Itne Din" (were you dead for these past few days?)

Friendship is not about "i understand"
Itz about "Hamesha mai hi kyo samjhu?" (why it has to be me to always understand everything?)

Friendship is not about "I M hapy 4 ur success"
Its about "treat Kaun dega bey ";) (so.. when r u giving the treat?)

Friendship is not about "R u coming with us tomorrow"
Its about "bhaav mat kha aur chup chap saath mein chal" (Don't show me the attitude, shut up and come with me)

Friendship is not about "Just readng dis message".
Its about "sending it to all ur friends whom u never wanna lose"

Why Love is blind?

Once all the feelings decided to play hide and seek.

Pain started counting and all others were hiding.
Lie said it will hide near tree, but didn’t do that!
Love hides in a rose bush.
Everyone hide in different places.
Everyone was caught except love.
But Anger gave clue about love.
So pain jumped on the bush and dragged it out.
Because of thorns in the bush, love lost its both eyes and hence God cursed pain and it was ordered to be with love forever.

Till today, love is blind and pain always accompanies it!!

Love

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water contained in my hand? It symbolizes Love." 

This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers around it and try to possess it, it will spill through the first crack it finds. This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love ... they try to possess it, they demand, they expect ... And just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retract from you. For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings. 

~ Swami Vivekananda